Adventures in the shop

I took Christina out for an extended Christmas shopping trip today. I think her patience with me was running a bit low after we had visited two stores and we had gotten and eaten a meatball sandwich together, and I was struggling to find gifts for a couple of people for way too long at the third store. She was playing with some baskets that were exhibited, and put her feet in them. I said, "don't put your shoes in them", so she accordingly took off her shoes and then put her feet in them. After that, I continued looking at some bedding, and a few minutes later I looked back at her, and to my surprise, she had not only taken off her socks, but also her pants. I went up to her and said, "You have to wear your pants, that's just the way it is." I continued to try to coax her into putting them back on, but my attempts were answered with angry looks on her face as she pushed me away. I heard laughter from people seeing my predicament, well, I admit, it was pretty funny, but I was tired of trying to convince her to do something she didn't want to do.

I thought, I'll call Daniel, see if he can tell her on the phone that she has to wear her pants. Well, while we were talking, Christina took off her shirt as well, now down to her diaper, running around in the store, barefoot and everything. Daniel advised me to force her to get dressed, which I did, changing her on the floor, holding down shoulders and resisting her violent screaming and getting her clothes back on. After that, I set her in her stroller and we actually managed to find a present at the same store, albeit on the other floor, and also pay a visit to the mall, before we went to the grocery store and got bananas to eat on the way home on the bus, among other things. Wow, what an adventure for a mom and a child.

When we come across these seemingly violent signs of contrariness, I try to remember that these things are exactly what this age is about - trying to see where the limits are, and calling on responsible adults to lay it out for them. It is not that she hates me or tries to control me, she is asking me to show her where the limit is. Of course, she is becoming more able verbally, and tells me "äta mat" when she is hungry, which is very helpful... I think it is a transition time from being completely dependent on parents for everything to being a fully able citizen, watching out for her own needs and wants, understanding the rules of our society. These thoughts help me not to feel guilty for forcing her to wear clothes.

The kitchen helper

So, today I wanted to clean the kitchen. Recently Christina has mastered (or so I thought) the art of putting away all the silverware (excepting the sharp knives), so I gave her the task of putting away the clean silverware while I started on the dirty dishes. Well she did quite well at first, putting away all of the odd utensils that go in our catch-all drawer for utensils, and then she put away all of her silverware that goes in the plastic silverware drawer under the regular silverware drawer. The regular silverware drawer has a child-lock on it to prevent children from playing with the silverware, yes it does. Well I opened it so she could access it since I wanted to give her the chance to fulfill the task. I didn't think much of it, and a few minutes later I noticed she had not put the silverware in the drawer where it goes, but in a spare wastebasket that she likes to put all sorts of things in! I told her, "Christina, the silverware doesn't go in the wastebasket, it goes in the drawer. Please put them there." Then I continued washing dishes. A few minutes later I looked at her again, and this time, there was more silverware in the wastebasket, and, yes, the drawer was empty. At first I scolded her, but then, when realizing she wasn't going to cooperate this time, I took the silverware holder out of the drawer and washed it, thanking her for her insight that the holder needed to be washed, and of course I couldn't wash it when it was full of silverware!
*This inspired me to continue the cleaning, wiping the cupboards around the handles, and later today I scrubbed the rust off my cast iron pot (it took about half an hour of intense scrubbing, no kidding! my advice: don't let your cast iron pot rust; season it, and then season it again. it's not supposed to rust then, ever).

"can you go cry in the bathroom?"

Recently I had one of those experiences that caused me to introspect a bit on my role as a father, and realized some ways I can do a little better. This morning I was still in bed and tired. My daughter was upset about something and was in the hallway being quite expressive about her feelings. I was a bit grumpy and called out to her. I didn't yell, but I spoke loud enough so she would hear me in the hallway; "Christina, can you go cry in the bathroom?". To my suprise, I heard the receding sound of my daughters crying as she obediently went into the bathroom, shut the door, and continued to cry. After a few moments, my wife said "go to her". I was feeling the same way. I went to the bathroom, opened the door, and picked up my sad daughter. I asked her if she wanted to go read some stories, to which she happily agreed. Soon thereafter her and I were quite happy reading a book together.
Thinking about this over the day, I realized that without intending to, I had been giving my daughter the message: "when you're unhappy, I don't want to know about it" What a sad thing! As she continues to grow, experiencing life, I want her to know she can always come to me, to share her happiness or her sadness. I want to always be there for her. If I want this kind of relationship with her, I need to build that trust; I need to be there for her now. This whole fatherhood experience is really inviting me to be a better person then I am.

boycotting daddy's kisses

Lately Christina has been boycotting kisses from her papa. Not all the time, mind you, but at particular times. The most notable is when I'm about to leave for work in the morning. I have my 'about to go out the door' ritual: pack the lunch, put my jacket on, etc. Right before I go out, I tell Christina I'd like to give her a hug and kiss, and she'd come running...well, not anymore, now when she recognizes the ritual, she decidedly avoids participating, often runs into another room, and gets a little aloof, and if I ask again, she get's this look on her face, like 'I already said no!'. Ok, I respect that. I just smile at her and say goodbye and out I go. When I come home in the evening she's always very happy to see me and wants as much attention as she can get, so we warm right up to eachother..I'll pick her up and basically interact with her as much as I can, because I can tell she's craving 'daddy interaction'...so I realized that her behavior before I leave is probably because she's not getting enough interaction with me...she doesn't like it when I leave for work, so it's her way of letting me know she doesn't support or endorse me leaving, so she's not going to go along with it. Honestly, I don't feel like I have enough time with my family either. The traditional work model that I'm following where I'm giving my best energy and time to my work, seems a little backwards to me. So I'm with Christina, I don't like being away from home so much either. I'm grateful for my job, and glad I'm earning money to support us, but long term, I'm hoping to find something I can do on my own terms, so I can be with my family more. We'll see! Something that I can't achieve overnight, but worth working towards!

Here are some fun dance videos of Christina. This first one is her jamming out to some techno. She really loves music, dancing to it, and very perceptive of sights and sounds in general. During the video she yells back at a kid yelling outside while she's dancing, and during the music, she stops dancing to imitate some particular sounds in the song. She really loves spinning, and towards the end you can hear her muttering "oj!" because she's getting dizzy. That's why she starts crying at the end...


This next one is to some more mellow tunes, as reflected by her dance style. it's fun to watch her focusing on some different movements and parts of the body:

Forest fun

Today I meant to take Christina out to the library. So I packed her up into the backpack I carry her in, and the purse, and went out to get the bus. But I was running late, and might not make it, so when I ran into some friends I stopped to talk to them, and decided to aim for the next one instead. Well then we saw this boy who was fishing in the river "Tinnerbäcken", and looked a little forlorn. I started to talk to him and noticed he was using something that looked like hummus as bait. He asked if I knew what kind of fish it was that he had caught, and if you could eat it. I wasn't sure, but it sort of looked like a braxen, and I said, I don't think it tastes very good. I also taught him how to kill it. But as I walked away, I thought, that fish wasn't dead! If he's not going to eat it, it should go back to the river. So I told him that, and he let it down into the water, and it swam away.
I checked the time, and we still had a good ten-fifteen minutes before the next bus should arrive, so we went into the forest to get to the next bus stop. But we had more adventures to come. There were raspberries growing in the forest! What luck! So I picked a few and shared with Christina, who absolutely loves them. We continued to forage after berries, and also found some wild strawberries and blueberries. The berries were so much fun, we stayed in the forest for close to an hour, walking around, foraging, playing with old pine cones, you know, the fun things you can do in a little forest. I just wanted to remember this day, it was so sweet to be there and pick blueberries and the other berries with Christina.
After we were done in the forest, we walked together down the hill to the next bus stop, and got on the bus. Christina walked the rest of the way, and we took our time looking at people's gardens and some cars. There was a fire truck that passed us, whose driver saw Christina's excited motion towards him, and he waved to her, smiling. What a fun thing for a little girl!
It's hard to describe it well enough to do it justice, maybe the thing is that I have similar memories from when I was a child being in the forest with family and picking berries, and I'm just nostalgic, but it was just so peaceful, and we weren't in a hurry but could take one moment at a time, doing whatever we felt like doing. I think those moments are important for us. Next week we will be out the whole family doing that for our vacation!

Parenting has so many fun moments. Towards the end of our dinner today Christina accidentally knocked her cup of water onto the floor. Knocking the cup of water over is pretty normal, I'd say there's a 95% chance before the meal's over. It's not intentional, and she does just fine drinking without spilling, the problem is she enjoys moving about, gyrating, etc in the high-chair...forgets about the cup, and...down it goes. This particular time it was more full than usual, so down it goes...."oh!" she says, contemplates for a moment, then looks at us to see how we'll react. We both keep our cool. I manage not to show an ounce of annoyance this time, instead I suppress a smile. I guess I'm getting more used to this sort of thing and being able to laugh at it instead of getting annoyed. Mom goes to get a clean cloth diaper to help wipe it up. I say "how about you help mom clean up your mess?". Mom says "how about Christina cleans up her mess!". "Fair enough" I say. We help her down and Ellinor hands her the cloth. "the mess is right over here, please come and clean it up" I say. there was splash damage over by mom which she immediately starts to wipe up (she's really a very willing and helpful little soul!) she then proceeds to walk on her knees over to the major spill site, surveys the situation, and wipes up the edge of it. She leans back and up to inspect her work and exclaims "akaaah!". "good job" i say, "can you please wipe up the rest of it?", "oi, oi oi!" she exclaims as she leans down and wipes some more up. after a couple of seconds she gets up again and exclaims "akaah!" apparently thinking she's done. I commend her work thus far but point out that there is more water to wipe up. "oi, oi, oi!" and wipes up some more. we're at about 70% cleanup now, which is really impressive for a 20 month old, so we give her a big thanks as she runs into the living room to read a book. I finish the job. Christina is awesome:-)

well, I got the film back today. The negatives are quite dark to look through (which means they're blocking visible light), just like they should be, but with some tests it's apparent that they're not blocking IR light, sweet! So on with the project:-)
pic 1 is a shot without the visible light filter or the IR filter, so it's seeing both. pic 2 is demonstrating the developed negative. It's clear that it's letting almost all IR light through, but blocking most visible light. pic 3 is a shot with the visible light filter completely over the webcam. Pretty scary! My IR LEDs are really bright, I think I need to lower the current in the circuit to get less light so the software can track one reflective point better.

midsommar!

Wow, the summer days are long here. Tonight the sun was shining brightly through our window and I thought "this feels like it's 5:30pm", ...and it's really 9pm! it finally gets dark around 11, but the sky is still lit somewhat through midnight. I'm not used to it. Makes life interesting trying to convince Christina it's time for bed. We have been having our "say goodnight to the outside world" ritual where we go through the apartment and close shades, blinds, turn off lights etc to help her feel like it's time. An interesting contrast to the winter, when I'd leave for work and come home in complete night-time.
Ellinor has been talking a lot more about our summer vacation to Norrland. (must be getting excited about it or something!) I start vacation from work on July 23, and come back on August 25, so that's a good 4.5 weeks. It will be a mix of going to Norrland, going to the Archipelago (the islands along the coast) near Stockholm, and getting some relax time at home as well. Should be nice.
My mouse alternative project is coming along. I'm waiting for the film to develop; should have it friday, then I just need to jerry-rig some foot mouse pedals and voila, no hands! (except for the keyboard of course...)

Being a computer science guy and spending a lot of time on the computer, the past while my arms have been feeling it, and protesting. This got me thinking about alternatives to using a mouse/trackball. I googled "mouse alternatives" and found some interesting products; particularly interesting to me was head tracking. There are some expensive products out there that would probably do the job, but I thought, "hey! I can roll my own setup!" My last semester at UVSC I took a 'digital image processing' class. It was a lot of fun, so I decided maybe I could write a program that does object tracking. I first wanted to poke around and see what free programs were out there, which has lead me into two separate projects:
1. The first is a free windows based app called 'FreeTrack'. It does point tracking based on light emitted from IR LEDs which you attach to your hat or whatever. You modify your webcam by pulling out the IR filter so it actually catches IR light, then you add a visible light filter. The net effect is the webcam is only seeing IR light, so the software then has a much easier time tracking the IR light from the LEDs. So I went to ELFA, got myself some IR LEDs, some resistors, refreshed on the circuit equations I learned in physics, and put together a little IR flashlight that you put up right next to the webcam pointing towards my face. I'm then going to put a little reflective dot on my forehead or something, and voila! for the curious, here are the electronic stats:
3 IR LEDs: 880nM, 150mA max, 25 degree focal range.
1 power supply: outputs 17.25v DC (supposed to be 12V! I had to adjust for this...) 600mA max
4 resistors 60 ohms, .6W max

the equations:
V=IR
P=I(squared)R

I ended up wiring the LEDs in series, so, prototype1 one went alright, worked, but the resistor was getting really hot! this is normal, and it was under it's max power rating (running at .4W), but I housed my little unit in a mini-DV tape holder, so I thought I should find a way to cool it down. Brilliant me wrapped aluminum foil around the resistor as a heatsink (it was 1am mind you)...so I plug it in and think..."wow, the LEDs are getting really hot"...pop, pop! the LEDs burned out, and as soon as they did, I realized my mistake. I accidentally created a circuit bypass around the resistor, so I fried the LEDs.

prototype two: bought a resistor with a higher power rating, so it won't run as hot. did much better with the soldering this time, and whipped out my unit in under an hour. It works great, in fact I think it's putting out too much light, but as soon as I finish the webcam I can test better. The only thing my webcam is lacking is the visible light filter. I bought some ISO 100 film for this, which will be a cheap alternative to the filters made of glass.

2. To help roll my own object tracking on Ubuntu, I found opencv; libraries and such for computer vision stuff. After some headache trying to get it to compile and run (it kept telling me the functions were undefined, even though I knew the libraries were installed) I finally figured out that the linker needed the libraries specified with the -l flag, at the end of the linker command line. yeah, it works now, and I can play around with some of the samples they have and start to use the libs.

fun stuff!

Nighttime with Christina

I want to take the chance to write about this before it slips my memory. I start where it began, when our daughter was born, about 20 months ago. It actually began earlier than that, it was when we visited with a midwife during the prenatal care. I asked about where the baby should sleep, I had heard different opinions on what was "best" for each family. The midwife said her daughter had what they called the "family bed" and seriously discouraged that, since the kids stay there forever!
I took that at face value and we were careful to put our daughter to sleep in her own space. I nursed her until she was almost asleep, then Daniel, who is the gentler of the two of us, carefully moved her to her bed. We did this for maybe four months or so.
To the equation adds that I am the heavier sleeper of the two of us. So when Christina woke up at night, Daniel would wake up first from her crying, and after considerable time screaming, I would finally wake up, unless he first got my attention... So we decided we would move her mattress into our bedroom, and she slept on her mattress next to ours. Nighttime was a lot easier, especially since her once 10-11 hour stretches of sleep during night around 2 months, had become more like 5-8 hour stretches, most often 6 hours. I know there is such great variance with this, it varies even with her from night to night. Sometimes she sleeps solid 8 hours, other times it seems we can only lay down for a few, maybe 3 hours, in one stretch, and then she continues to wake every hour... those are a little hard.
We moved when she was 7 months old, and because temperature was hard to regulate in her room, we kept her with us in our - now much bigger - bed. She soon learned how to properly dismount a bed without hitting the head first (after taking several not so fun blows...)
We traveled a lot when she was 11 months old, for about a month. We tried maybe once to put her in a separate bed, and it lasted less than one night.
We got her a kids bed which is easy to get on and off in our new place, and still tried to get her to sleep there occasionally, (read, that was our goal, usually). However, occasionally thinned out to become "almost never" since she was so much happier in our bed, and almost without exception woke up screaming soon after being laid in her bed.
We started to feel like it was an honor to have her in our bed. I started to treasure the moments when I got to wake up and nurse her. What a change it was! I remember when I was a very new mother, reading somebody else's account about treasuring the nighttime moments. I think I might just start to understand what she meant. Because I now see an end to it all. She has put up with me putting her to sleep in her bed a couple times without fight or screaming. She is the one that says "I'm tired, I want to go to bed" (she signs "bed" by leaning her head to her palm to the side, very sweet), and will nurse to sleep in my arms, but rather in bed, or in her own bed.
Being kicked in the head, or almost kicked out of bed, or snuggled right next to you, finding round sweat spots in the bed where she lay, are sweet memories that won't last forever. What the midwife told me simply isn't true. Kids don't stay in their parents' bed forever. They stay there as long as they are welcome and feel the need for closeness, that's my conviction.
It makes for more family time, even though we are sleeping, and creates more togetherness. She still wakes up screaming every now and then, but not because her parents are nowhere to be found (because her gums hurt, she's wet, or something else). I can observe her when she sleeps more often. Whoever has watched a loved child sleep knows how sweet that feeling is, I think. I can anticipate her waking up, because she takes a while to get into her consciousness. I can watch her stretch her muscles and mouth while she gets into the new day.
*I know there are certain things that make it not a good idea to let small children or babies sleep with you, but we have carefully avoided those (drinking alcohol or taking other strong drugs, being overweight, having an exceedingly soft bedding or a water bed).

If we can, we'll try and catch Christina unawares and get some video of her eating sausages and dancing to the sausages song! That way you can hear the sweet refrain whilst watching Christina chomping and jamming out. I think Soren and Christina should start a dance club!

Hooray for sausages!

Hooray for sausages! dada dada dada da dada dada dada da!
Hooray for sausages! dada dada dada dada dada da!
We eat 'em in the mornin, we eat 'em at night,
dada dada dada da dada dada dada da!
we eat 'em all the time cause we think they're alright!
dada dada dada dada dada da!
when mama's gone, and dad cooks the food,
dada dada dada da dada dada dada da!
Christina chompin sausages, she's always in the mood!
dada dada dada dada dada da!
Hooray for sausages! dada dada dada da dada dada dada da!
Hooray for sausages! dada dada dada dada dada da!