Birth

Today I was elected chair of the Swedish association for Homebirth, Föreningen Föda Hemma. I have been thinking a lot about what our association is supposed to do. We used to have a newsletter or magazine published four times per year, but can't support that anymore since we don't have enough people working on it. So we are focusing the energy on a new website where people can meet and find one another.
It became easier to see what we should do once we decided what we ought not put our energy into. I have mixed feelings about one of the issues I wanted to push. At first, I thought - if the Swedish government can pay for all expenses for a hospital birth, even a Ceasarean section (which costs a lot more money than a normal, uncomplicated birth), how is it that if you choose to pay a private midwife to come to your home, you have to pay her with your already taxed money? Well, that depends on where you live in Sweden. If you live in the Stockholm region, or in Uppsala, you can apply for coverage by tax money to pay for your midwives - if you can fulfill a number of criteria.
The problem with tax money paying for your care or anything, is that you lose a bit of control. For example, one of the criteria for getting the coverage is that you hire two midwives, another that you live within a certain number of miles from a hospital, should a transfer become necessary. You also must not be expecting your first child.
Perhaps the criteria is good, perhaps it is flawed. The other side of the issue is that families who can't afford to pay their own midwives (in other parts of the country) might either birth unassisted because they really don't want to be a patient at a hospital, or be forced to go to the hospital, and perhaps be scared and have an unpleasant experience. Don't get me wrong, some people choose to birth unassisted because that is their firm belief it will be best for them. I admire the courage and strength these families must have. I appreciated having a midwife present at our daughter's birth, and I think I would like to have one at subsequent births if I am blessed with more children.
It was such a wonderful experience to give birth to Esther at home. I feel that I could own the process. I was so happy to be at home. I was so happy to not have strangers looking at me and my baby immediately. I was happy to go into the kitchen and get my own food afterwards. It was such a private, sacred time, I didn't want to share it with hospital staff. If people are not giving birth at home just because they don't think you can do it, I want to encourage them.

I think it is a good thing that people don't have to pay for maternity care in Sweden. I also think we have gotten so used to so many things being covered, that it is easy to think - I ought to get this covered - when in fact it is better to forego some other things and pay for it yourself to be able to keep control over it. Tell me your thoughts.

The importance of close relations

I often hear people talking about how important it is that we make sure people are employed and that the GDP needs to increase. Always we measure in money whether our society is gaining value.
But it ought not to be a goal in itself. Because people's happiness is built on the quality of their close relationships, our society must be built on people taking care of one another within the family, delegating to societal institutions only if that isn't working out. For our close relations to be positive, time is needed, from the start to bond and through the entire life.

It is time that we recognize the importance of both mother and father in the child's life. It is time that children can take care of their aging parents, and that it is valued by our society. In Sweden, we are so used to the institutions taking care of individuals, that we forget that we can do it ourselves, and that we actually might prefer to do that.

Let employers get used to the idea that fathers should stay with the mother and baby the first few weeks to bond, just like the mother does with her new baby. Let people who measure the degree of welfare of a country take into account the many hours of unpaid childcare that parents provide for their own children. Encourage parents to support one another to have good relationships to their kids and to each other. Of all the things a parent might do, he or she will probably make many mistakes, but if we value the relationship higher than any other thing, we will see each other, we will apologize when we fail, and we will grow as human beings.

Experts

When my first daughter was a small baby I heard from everywhere that you can start giving babies solid food from four months age. But the paediatrician said we could wait until six months. The dietician was concerned when Christina at six months was almost uninterested in food still. At seven months, she liked picking up grains of rice from the low table and eating them.

I have since read the recommendation to exclusively breastfeed for six months. So I thought, this time I will be good and wait until Esther is six months to give her solid food. I kept saying when the subject came up, "The first thing she will eat is what she grabs out of my hand that I am eating and puts in her own mouth." And yes, it happened, about a week ago, she grabbed my bread with margarine on it and put it in her mouth. She kept getting angry when I was eating without giving her a taste of it. So I changed my mind. I decided it was time to consider giving her some food too (even though she isn't quite five months yet).

There are so many things that experts say about what to give as first foods for your child. In the USA, people say "definitely rice cereal". In Sweden, people say "mashed potatoes." There is so much caution to exercise on one or the other aspect of solid foods. However, I have also read about some families relaxing about the whole enterprise, giving the child a little of whatever the family is eating. Today I had to relent. Esther was simply demanding she try some of my pasta and sauce. But it is spicy! I defended my former position. She can't have that! But she would not accept anything except letting her have a taste. So I gave her a grain of my sauce and she was content.

My conclusion is that the only expert I need is Esther for knowing what she needs. She has a strong will already, a temperament that will not let me ignore her needs. I seriously doubt that any other expert can tell me what is best for her.