Adventures in the shop

I took Christina out for an extended Christmas shopping trip today. I think her patience with me was running a bit low after we had visited two stores and we had gotten and eaten a meatball sandwich together, and I was struggling to find gifts for a couple of people for way too long at the third store. She was playing with some baskets that were exhibited, and put her feet in them. I said, "don't put your shoes in them", so she accordingly took off her shoes and then put her feet in them. After that, I continued looking at some bedding, and a few minutes later I looked back at her, and to my surprise, she had not only taken off her socks, but also her pants. I went up to her and said, "You have to wear your pants, that's just the way it is." I continued to try to coax her into putting them back on, but my attempts were answered with angry looks on her face as she pushed me away. I heard laughter from people seeing my predicament, well, I admit, it was pretty funny, but I was tired of trying to convince her to do something she didn't want to do.

I thought, I'll call Daniel, see if he can tell her on the phone that she has to wear her pants. Well, while we were talking, Christina took off her shirt as well, now down to her diaper, running around in the store, barefoot and everything. Daniel advised me to force her to get dressed, which I did, changing her on the floor, holding down shoulders and resisting her violent screaming and getting her clothes back on. After that, I set her in her stroller and we actually managed to find a present at the same store, albeit on the other floor, and also pay a visit to the mall, before we went to the grocery store and got bananas to eat on the way home on the bus, among other things. Wow, what an adventure for a mom and a child.

When we come across these seemingly violent signs of contrariness, I try to remember that these things are exactly what this age is about - trying to see where the limits are, and calling on responsible adults to lay it out for them. It is not that she hates me or tries to control me, she is asking me to show her where the limit is. Of course, she is becoming more able verbally, and tells me "äta mat" when she is hungry, which is very helpful... I think it is a transition time from being completely dependent on parents for everything to being a fully able citizen, watching out for her own needs and wants, understanding the rules of our society. These thoughts help me not to feel guilty for forcing her to wear clothes.

The kitchen helper

So, today I wanted to clean the kitchen. Recently Christina has mastered (or so I thought) the art of putting away all the silverware (excepting the sharp knives), so I gave her the task of putting away the clean silverware while I started on the dirty dishes. Well she did quite well at first, putting away all of the odd utensils that go in our catch-all drawer for utensils, and then she put away all of her silverware that goes in the plastic silverware drawer under the regular silverware drawer. The regular silverware drawer has a child-lock on it to prevent children from playing with the silverware, yes it does. Well I opened it so she could access it since I wanted to give her the chance to fulfill the task. I didn't think much of it, and a few minutes later I noticed she had not put the silverware in the drawer where it goes, but in a spare wastebasket that she likes to put all sorts of things in! I told her, "Christina, the silverware doesn't go in the wastebasket, it goes in the drawer. Please put them there." Then I continued washing dishes. A few minutes later I looked at her again, and this time, there was more silverware in the wastebasket, and, yes, the drawer was empty. At first I scolded her, but then, when realizing she wasn't going to cooperate this time, I took the silverware holder out of the drawer and washed it, thanking her for her insight that the holder needed to be washed, and of course I couldn't wash it when it was full of silverware!
*This inspired me to continue the cleaning, wiping the cupboards around the handles, and later today I scrubbed the rust off my cast iron pot (it took about half an hour of intense scrubbing, no kidding! my advice: don't let your cast iron pot rust; season it, and then season it again. it's not supposed to rust then, ever).

"can you go cry in the bathroom?"

Recently I had one of those experiences that caused me to introspect a bit on my role as a father, and realized some ways I can do a little better. This morning I was still in bed and tired. My daughter was upset about something and was in the hallway being quite expressive about her feelings. I was a bit grumpy and called out to her. I didn't yell, but I spoke loud enough so she would hear me in the hallway; "Christina, can you go cry in the bathroom?". To my suprise, I heard the receding sound of my daughters crying as she obediently went into the bathroom, shut the door, and continued to cry. After a few moments, my wife said "go to her". I was feeling the same way. I went to the bathroom, opened the door, and picked up my sad daughter. I asked her if she wanted to go read some stories, to which she happily agreed. Soon thereafter her and I were quite happy reading a book together.
Thinking about this over the day, I realized that without intending to, I had been giving my daughter the message: "when you're unhappy, I don't want to know about it" What a sad thing! As she continues to grow, experiencing life, I want her to know she can always come to me, to share her happiness or her sadness. I want to always be there for her. If I want this kind of relationship with her, I need to build that trust; I need to be there for her now. This whole fatherhood experience is really inviting me to be a better person then I am.

boycotting daddy's kisses

Lately Christina has been boycotting kisses from her papa. Not all the time, mind you, but at particular times. The most notable is when I'm about to leave for work in the morning. I have my 'about to go out the door' ritual: pack the lunch, put my jacket on, etc. Right before I go out, I tell Christina I'd like to give her a hug and kiss, and she'd come running...well, not anymore, now when she recognizes the ritual, she decidedly avoids participating, often runs into another room, and gets a little aloof, and if I ask again, she get's this look on her face, like 'I already said no!'. Ok, I respect that. I just smile at her and say goodbye and out I go. When I come home in the evening she's always very happy to see me and wants as much attention as she can get, so we warm right up to eachother..I'll pick her up and basically interact with her as much as I can, because I can tell she's craving 'daddy interaction'...so I realized that her behavior before I leave is probably because she's not getting enough interaction with me...she doesn't like it when I leave for work, so it's her way of letting me know she doesn't support or endorse me leaving, so she's not going to go along with it. Honestly, I don't feel like I have enough time with my family either. The traditional work model that I'm following where I'm giving my best energy and time to my work, seems a little backwards to me. So I'm with Christina, I don't like being away from home so much either. I'm grateful for my job, and glad I'm earning money to support us, but long term, I'm hoping to find something I can do on my own terms, so I can be with my family more. We'll see! Something that I can't achieve overnight, but worth working towards!

Here are some fun dance videos of Christina. This first one is her jamming out to some techno. She really loves music, dancing to it, and very perceptive of sights and sounds in general. During the video she yells back at a kid yelling outside while she's dancing, and during the music, she stops dancing to imitate some particular sounds in the song. She really loves spinning, and towards the end you can hear her muttering "oj!" because she's getting dizzy. That's why she starts crying at the end...


This next one is to some more mellow tunes, as reflected by her dance style. it's fun to watch her focusing on some different movements and parts of the body:

Forest fun

Today I meant to take Christina out to the library. So I packed her up into the backpack I carry her in, and the purse, and went out to get the bus. But I was running late, and might not make it, so when I ran into some friends I stopped to talk to them, and decided to aim for the next one instead. Well then we saw this boy who was fishing in the river "Tinnerbäcken", and looked a little forlorn. I started to talk to him and noticed he was using something that looked like hummus as bait. He asked if I knew what kind of fish it was that he had caught, and if you could eat it. I wasn't sure, but it sort of looked like a braxen, and I said, I don't think it tastes very good. I also taught him how to kill it. But as I walked away, I thought, that fish wasn't dead! If he's not going to eat it, it should go back to the river. So I told him that, and he let it down into the water, and it swam away.
I checked the time, and we still had a good ten-fifteen minutes before the next bus should arrive, so we went into the forest to get to the next bus stop. But we had more adventures to come. There were raspberries growing in the forest! What luck! So I picked a few and shared with Christina, who absolutely loves them. We continued to forage after berries, and also found some wild strawberries and blueberries. The berries were so much fun, we stayed in the forest for close to an hour, walking around, foraging, playing with old pine cones, you know, the fun things you can do in a little forest. I just wanted to remember this day, it was so sweet to be there and pick blueberries and the other berries with Christina.
After we were done in the forest, we walked together down the hill to the next bus stop, and got on the bus. Christina walked the rest of the way, and we took our time looking at people's gardens and some cars. There was a fire truck that passed us, whose driver saw Christina's excited motion towards him, and he waved to her, smiling. What a fun thing for a little girl!
It's hard to describe it well enough to do it justice, maybe the thing is that I have similar memories from when I was a child being in the forest with family and picking berries, and I'm just nostalgic, but it was just so peaceful, and we weren't in a hurry but could take one moment at a time, doing whatever we felt like doing. I think those moments are important for us. Next week we will be out the whole family doing that for our vacation!

Parenting has so many fun moments. Towards the end of our dinner today Christina accidentally knocked her cup of water onto the floor. Knocking the cup of water over is pretty normal, I'd say there's a 95% chance before the meal's over. It's not intentional, and she does just fine drinking without spilling, the problem is she enjoys moving about, gyrating, etc in the high-chair...forgets about the cup, and...down it goes. This particular time it was more full than usual, so down it goes...."oh!" she says, contemplates for a moment, then looks at us to see how we'll react. We both keep our cool. I manage not to show an ounce of annoyance this time, instead I suppress a smile. I guess I'm getting more used to this sort of thing and being able to laugh at it instead of getting annoyed. Mom goes to get a clean cloth diaper to help wipe it up. I say "how about you help mom clean up your mess?". Mom says "how about Christina cleans up her mess!". "Fair enough" I say. We help her down and Ellinor hands her the cloth. "the mess is right over here, please come and clean it up" I say. there was splash damage over by mom which she immediately starts to wipe up (she's really a very willing and helpful little soul!) she then proceeds to walk on her knees over to the major spill site, surveys the situation, and wipes up the edge of it. She leans back and up to inspect her work and exclaims "akaaah!". "good job" i say, "can you please wipe up the rest of it?", "oi, oi oi!" she exclaims as she leans down and wipes some more up. after a couple of seconds she gets up again and exclaims "akaah!" apparently thinking she's done. I commend her work thus far but point out that there is more water to wipe up. "oi, oi, oi!" and wipes up some more. we're at about 70% cleanup now, which is really impressive for a 20 month old, so we give her a big thanks as she runs into the living room to read a book. I finish the job. Christina is awesome:-)